Changes, Loss, and Grief

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Change is a part of life, and though it can bring excitement or sadness, much of the time change can be painful. Sometimes, changes are referred to as life transitions and include moving away for job or school, changes in employment, breaks in relationships, and any hugely altering events that involve birth, life-threatening illness, or death. As humans we don’t tend to react well to most changes; in fact, it is a part of life that change tends to be hard.

Usually it is not the change itself that presents the challenge; it is what you feel about it.

Friends and family who mean well may not know how to support you, and you may be frustrated as well, telling yourself, “I should get over this!” Even this struggle is part of the suffering in dealing with loss.

When you lose, you grieve. Grieving can feel like a blanket of sadness, a brooding anger, insistent denial, silent negotiation, and eventually, acceptance. Especially when you come to experience loss, there can be an overwhelming feeling of hurt and emptiness. Reality is challenged and moving through the day can be like a bad dream without the presence of your loved one.

I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. How can I get over this?

Your pain might involve sadness and sorrow and even frustration or rage. Such strong overwhelming feelings can be hard to deal with and affect your ability to cope with the responsibilities of daily life like school and work, as well as sleep, appetite, and hygiene.

As much as you might want to get back into “normal” life, the impact of the loss is a reflection of how important this person, relationship, or situation was to you. The pain means something. Yet at the same time, you can get stuck and having someone help you make sense of the cycling feelings can help you get through it. Anything you go through, emotional suffering, uncharacteristic behaviors, or just not being able to do what you usually do, is all a normal part of grief.

How do I even go on after this?

There is an expectation that not only do you go on but that you get over it and be “normal” again. As much as it may seem the way to be, it diminishes the importance of the loss and what it means to you. You don’t have to go back to a previous “normal” because you’re different and life is about change and growth. Life changes you.

Going on is about dealing, learning, and growing, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. And there’s no particular standard that you have to follow. You are unique and so is your experience.

You don’t have to go through this alone.

We’d like to be here for you in the way that you want. In going through a hard time of change and loss, you might not necessarily know what you need. Sometimes it’s just not to be alone with your thoughts, and to talk them out to gain clarity. At times, it might be to share thoughts, memories, and strong feelings that would otherwise stir around inside. And possibly, it’s to find a way to deal with the emptiness the loss has created.

There’s no one way to grieve. We’re prepared to wait, listen, and help you make sense of what you’re going through. There are situations in which we might be able to offer something beyond listening and empathy. Our therapists are experienced in helping make that distinction to see if you’d like support that goes beyond empathy. Sometimes it will feel right just to be met where you are, and sometimes having that choice will be the right fit.

Just like the seasons, there is a time and place for grief, for rest, and for work.

We’re here for you!