How women can care for mental health during the holidays

How Women Can Support Their Mental Health During the Holidays

The holiday season evokes many feelings: nostalgia, grief, happiness, sadness, joy, stress, and excitement. It’s a time when many celebrate cultural or religious traditions and beliefs, a time to be with loved ones and share in the season’s beauty. 

 

While it’s meant to be a season full of cheer and peace, for women, the holiday season is often more stressful than any other time of the year. Research conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA) shows that women endure more responsibilities during the holidays than men. And with that, additional stress. 

 

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Why Women’s Mental Health Is Often Negatively Impacted During the Holidays

According to that same study by the APA, only 27% of women said they can relax during the holiday season, compared to 41% of men. In addition,  the Office on Women’s Health found that approximately half of all U.S. women report higher stress levels during the holidays.

 

So why is women’s mental health so negatively impacted during the holiday season? 

Womens mental health is often challenged during the holidays.

Women are naturally the caregivers, and we tend to want to make everything wonderful for our friends and families during this time of the year. That means women take on the brunt of the holiday season “to-do’s” like gift shopping, organizing holiday gatherings and preparations, cooking, baking, decorating, keeping traditions alive, and attending various holiday events for work, school, friends, and family. 

 

Not to mention, life isn’t always going to go as planned. Despite the picture-perfect holiday decor and celebrations seen on social media and in Hollywood, the challenging circumstances that arise in life don’t take a back seat during the holidays. Flat tires, sickness, loss of a loved one, and bills can still happen during the winter months.

It’s no wonder women’s mental health during the holidays tends to decline. There’s just way too much for us to handle.

That’s why women need to care for their mental health throughout the year and perhaps with a little more intentionality during the holiday season.

How Winter and the Holiday Season Affect Women’s Mental Health

The holiday season is challenging for many women’s mental health and can be especially difficult if you already deal with mental health concerns. In fact, the National Alliance of Mental Health (NAMI) states that 64% of people living with a mental illness feel their symptoms increase during the holiday season.

Online therapy for women can help mental health during the holidays.

For women, the added stress and responsibility of the season can impact them in several ways:

  • increased cortisol levels, leading to hormonal fluctuations that manage mood, which could increase depression and anxiety symptoms
  • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
  • grief over years past or lost loved ones
  • gastrointestinal issues
  • heart problems from elevated blood pressure, which increases the risk of stroke or heart attack
  • headaches and severe migraines

No Matter What You Celebrate, This Time of Year Can Challenge Your Mental Health

The “holiday season” encompasses much more than just the Christian celebration of Christmas and the Jewish holiday of Chanukah. “The holidays” are multicultural and include several celebrations, including (2023 dates):

 

  • Shab Yalda on December 21-  ancient Persian festivals celebrated by Iranians around the world
  • St. Nicholas Day on December 6
  • Immaculate Conception Day on December 8
  • Bodhi Day on December 8
  • Fest Day of Our Lady Guadalupe on December 12
  • Yule from December 21-January 1
  • Boxing Day on December 26 

8 Tips for Caring for Women’s Mental Health During the Holidays

The holiday season doesn’t have to be overwhelming and stressful for you. It’s important to be mindful of this time of year, live in the moment, and recognize the good things. You can do some things to prevent stress and hecticness from overtaking this time of year.

1. Manage Your Expectations

We’ve all seen the picture-perfect holidays portrayed on social media or in Holiday movies. These are incomplete and unrealistic pictures of what the holidays “should” look like. So try to avoid living up to them. 

 

You may feel like you need to throw an outlandish, out-of-this-world party or that your family needs to have a matching PJ portrait taken. You don’t need to do any of these things. Try focusing on what really matters this holiday season and expect that everything may not go to plan, and that’s okay!

2. Incorporate a Relaxation Practice

Even if it’s only for five minutes a day, meditating, deep breathing, or simply sitting silently (without your phone) and reflecting on the beauty of the season can go a long way in reducing stress. 

Self-care is an important part of caring for womens mental health during the holidays.

3. Make Time for Yourself

As a woman, you likely “go-go-go” and give of yourself to everyone else. And the holiday season is no exception. You may be tempted to fill any “extra” time with activities or things to check off your “to-do” list. Instead, consider taking time for yourself regularly. 

 

It doesn’t have to be a full day or even an hour. Doing something just for you can reduce stress and make you feel less frenzied. Don’t worry. If you choose to take a long bath and read a book instead of hanging outside holiday lights, the world will keep on turning! And you’ll feel much better.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries and Say “No!”

It’s incredible how many holiday activities there are to do. Countless children’s concerts and events, parties, get-togethers, cookie exchanges, and more can be exhausting when you choose to attend them all. 

 

Instead, say “no” to things. Try it out. It’ll feel good. While you may not want to skip your granddaughter’s holiday concert, you don’t have to attend the neighborhood cookie swap. You don’t have to send holiday cards. You don’t have to do any of it! You can choose to say “no”. And you should.

5. Maintain a Healthy Routine Maintain a healthy routine to care for mental health during the holidays.

The holidays are also a time to enjoy some pretty delicious food. And you should – within reason. Many times, especially if you are stressed and overwhelmed, you can throw your healthy lifestyle out the window and eat and drink to your heart’s content!

 

Try not to de-stress by eating all of the holiday foods available every single day and drinking every single “cup of cheer” offered. And don’t skip your exercise, either. Even skipping the gym and going for a nice walk is better than forgoing all exercise this season. 

 

And when you’re in control of your diet and exercise, with a little holiday treat on occasion, you’ll feel much better!

6. Ask for Help and Delegate

As mentioned, women tend to take on most of the holiday responsibilities. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Get your family or friends involved. You likely have someone in your life who can be in charge of buying a few gifts and wrapping some presents. 

7. Reduce Gifting

Speaking of gifting – consider paring down on gifts. There’s no reason to go into debt just to buy “enough” presents for everyone. And if you feel like you “have” to buy a gift, maybe get others a nice card or plan to go to coffee together in the new year – your treat! 

 

People don’t “need” most of what they get around the holidays. The most important thing is that they stay in the moment and appreciate YOU!

8. Don’t Skip Therapy

If you’re already going to therapy, don’t replace it with shopping or gift-wrapping. And if you’re not attending therapy, now is a great time to start. Attending therapy for women during the winter and holiday seasons (and all year)  is crucial to your overall well-being. 

 

And if you’re feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, which affects more women than men, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help. A therapist can help you work through SAD and other challenging emotions you feel during this season.

 

On top of that, I recommend trying light therapy using a light box. It’s beneficial in fighting SAD. Lightboxes are readily available online and relatively inexpensive!

I can help you get through the holiday season with online therapy for women in California and Ontario.
The point of the holiday season and caring for women’s mental health is not to be as busy, hectic, overwhelmed and stressed as possible. It’s a time to reflect on your year, accept the good and bad emotions that come, and recognize the beauty of the season.

Try not to lose perspective and get lost in the shuffle. Instead, focus on what matters to you most this time of year. 

Partner With Me for Online Therapy for Women in California and Ontario

I provide high-quality therapy for women in California and Ontario.As a woman, you face unique challenges that affect your mental health. I am a seasoned psychologist with a passion for helping women just like you prevent and overcome mental health concerns. I specialize in women’s health issues, divorce therapy, and trauma, but I am happy to help you in any capacity. 

My therapy approach is structured, compassionate, and honest. I’m here to help you feel better, plain and simple. Whether you’re just starting out looking for online therapy for women or seeking help in California or Ontario, I’m here for you. 

Contact me for more information about how I can help you through this holiday season and beyond. You don’t have to feel stressed and overextended. You can enjoy this time of year. And I can help.

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The importance of cardiac psychology for women

Cardiac Psychology: Why It’s Important to You as a Woman

Roughly 3.2 million women suffer myocardial infarctions (heart attacks) each year. According to the American Heart Association, these women have a 20% higher risk of death within five years compared to men. There are several reasons for this, including many physical reasons. But one potential cause of heart disease and heart attacks in women you may not have considered is their mental health. 

There is a strong relationship between psychology and health. That’s why it’s not only vital to ensure your physical health but also your mental health. As a woman, it’s crucial to understand that heart disease is the number one killer of women over the age of 50. 

One step you can take to support your mental health is to find a medical psychologist who specializes in cardiac psychology. They can help you develop and maintain a healthy lifestyle that includes nurturing your physical and mental health. 

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What is Cardiac Psychology? There is a strong relationship between psychology and health.

Cardiac psychology is a form of medical psychology that focuses on the relationship between psychology and women’s heart health. A cardiac psychologist addresses the role psychological and behavioral factors play in the development and management of cardiovascular diseases like heart disease, which could lead to a heart attack.

When you partner with a cardiac psychologist, you’ll benefit from a holistic approach to improving your quality of life. By addressing the relationship between your psychology and your health, you’ll see better overall mental and physical health outcomes. 

How Psychology and Cardiac Disease Affect One Another

While the heart and mind connection has been alluded to over the years, its importance has only been recently emphasized thanks to the book, “Heart and Mind: The Practice of Cardiac Psychology.” This 1996

publication, written by Robert Allan and Jeffrey Fisher, sparked ongoing research into the link between psychosocial factors and heart disease.

Since then, researchers have found that depression and cardiac disease are significantly correlated. In fact, beginning in 2008, the undeniable research findings caused the American Heart Association to begin recommending depression screenings for cardiovascular patients. The medical community is increasingly aware of how important it is to treat depression in the prevention or reduction of the progress of heart disease.

The relationship between psychology and health has also been found to be bidirectional. That means that poor mental health can negatively impact heart health, and poor heart health can negatively impact mental health. 

Studies have shown that almost half of all patients who have heart procedures deal with depression and anxiety following the procedure. Additionally, increased depression and anxiety can lead to further heart health problems. Because of this, it’s important to trust in a cardiac psychologist so you can help prevent heart health concerns or prevent additional heart issues.

Why is Cardiac Psychology So Important for Women?

Because of the crucial relationship between your psychology and your health, women must especially pay attention to how they feel mentally and emotionally. Women tend to feel the effects of psychological and psychosocial stress more significantly than men, which, in turn, can negatively impact heart health. 

Women's Heart Health can be supported through cardiac psychology.

Cardiac psychology is crucial for women for several additional reasons:

  • Women are more prone to cardiovascular disease: Though cardiovascular disease (CVD) is often thought of as a “man’s disease,” more women die from heart disease than from all forms of cancer combined. As the number one cause of death in women globally, it’s vital women take care of their mental and physical health by regularly seeing their doctor and cardiac psychologist. 
  • Gender differences in experiencing cardiac symptoms: Many women experience different cardiac symptoms than men. They may have more atypical symptoms or describe them differently. With the help of a medical or cardiac psychologist, they can learn how to recognize and address symptoms.
  • Depression and anxiety in women: More women experience depression and anxiety, or at least, tend to seek help more often for mental health concerns. As mentioned earlier, research has shown how depression is closely linked to heart health issues. A cardiac psychologist can help you work through your depression and anxiety, improving your overall and heart health. 
  • Hormonal changes in women: Menopause means many hormonal changes for women. These hormonal changes alone and how you deal with them can negatively affect your heart health. Women over the age of 50 are at a greater risk for developing CVD, so it’s crucial to stay on top of your mental and physical health as you age.
  • Cardiac Psychology can help women physically and mentally.Women can experience significant ongoing stress: Both men and women deal with stress. However, women often juggle multiple roles throughout their lives – as caregivers, professionals, mothers, partners, etc. The stress you experience day in and day out significantly impacts your heart health. A mental health professional specializing in cardiac psychology can help you learn how to manage stress better and protect your heart.
  • Specialized support tailored to women: A cardiac psychologist can provide heart health education tailored specifically to you as a woman. They can help address your unique challenges and needs for better mental and physical health.

Cardiac psychology addresses the unique psychological, behavioral, and social factors that influence your heart health as a woman. Combining regular visits to your doctor with seeing a cardiac psychologist ensures holistic and effective treatment so you can try to live a longer, healthier life.

Specialized Cardiac Psychology Treatment in California and Ontario

I understand the relationship between psychology and health and am very passionate about women’s heart and mental health. As a medical psychologist specializing in women’s health psychology, I can guide you through any mental health concern you face, including those stemming from physical health concerns. I am also a multicultural therapist who understands the intergenerational and cultural stress women from varying cultures experience.

I provide high-quality therapy for women in California and Ontario.

I provide compassionate, effective online therapy for women throughout Ontario and California and am happy to help you on your journey to better mental, physical, and heart health. Contact me for more information about my services, including therapy for women, divorce therapy, and trauma therapy. 

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Are the victim of Narcissistic abuse?

Are You the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse? How to Break the Cycle and Heal.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be highly damaging to your mental health. Their narcissistic abuse may make you doubt your sense of self and cause you to question what’s real. They’ll make you feel like you’re “too sensitive” and “exaggerating” when you voice your pain. Your emotions are toyed with and diminished daily in your relationship, making you fear for your emotional well-being. 

You don’t want the person you care about, the one you may even love, to treat you like this. But they invalidate your feelings and make you feel small. When you’re trapped in the vicious cycle of narcissistic abuse, breaking free is challenging. With no physical abuse, you are often left questioning your judgment and wondering if you are making it all up. 

So you give in, and the vicious narcissistic abuse cycle continues. But you must understand that you are a victim. You’ve gone from being yourself to being a narcissistic supply and abuse victim. It’s likely led to mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD. 

It’s toxic. And you must break the cycle. 

I Can Help

What Is Narcissistic Supply?

It’s important to understand that your significant other is not inherently evil. They didn’t choose to become a narcissist. On the contrary, narcissists are likely the way they are due to attachment disorders beginning in their childhood. When you grow up in a strong, loving environment with caregivers who provide the emotional and physical needs you require, you instinctively learn how to love and trust others.

Narcissistic supply gives narcissists power over you.

But narcissists didn’t have this experience. 

Narcissists likely had a troubled upbringing. They may have experienced neglect, physical or emotional abuse, or grew up in a disorganized, fearful environment. For this reason, narcissists go through life focusing on protecting themselves, even at the expense of others.

They don’t know how to connect to others healthily. Instead, they thrive on the attention, validation, and admiration of others. The self-protective survival skills narcissists should have developed in childhood aren’t there, so they unknowingly resort to the emotional manipulation of others to feed their sense of self-worth and ego.

This need, desire, and inability to connect with others in a healthy way has driven them to require affirmation from others, and they’ll do what they have to do to get it. That means they often get their narcissistic supply from other people when they are in a relationship.

They end up treating you like an object rather than a person. They’ll devalue your emotions and make you feel like you’re overreacting and do what they have to do to get you to stay with them. You are their narcissistic supply. Much like a drug, they are addicted to it. 

And without proper professional help, it’ll be challenging for them to break the cycle and for you to free yourself from narcissistic abuse.

Personality Types Most Affected by Narcissistic Supply

It’s no secret that certain personality types are attracted to others. For narcissists, that personality type is trusting, respectful, honest, and compassionate. Narcissists gravitate towards this type of person because they know they can get what they need from them. However, making you their source of narcissistic supply comes at a price. 

The most affected personality type embodies all of the above qualities at a higher level – the empath

An empath isn’t merely someone who has empathy and compassion for others. They experience the feelings of others as if they were their own. In a narcissistic abusive relationship, this can be very damaging to the empath’s mental health. 

Empaths possess an exorbitant level of compassion for others. If you are an empath and in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ll do what you can to help your significant other feel valued, loved, and cared for, often to your detriment. 

A narcissist will take advantage of your compassion and ability to love unconditionally. They’ll exploit your need for love for their own fulfillment and not be able to recognize what they are doing as abusive and traumatic. They’ll demoralize you and use you as a scapegoat for their dysfunctional feelings. As an empath, you’ll internalize their abuse and accept their blame as fact.

Empaths are most at risk for being affected by narcissistic supply.

This is what keeps you in the painful narcissist supply cycle. And you need to break it by either taking yourself out of the equation or trying to get the narcissist to take ownership of their behavior. Both of these options can be challenging. But with the right therapist by your side, rectification is possible if you both agree to it. 

Covert vs. Overt Narcissists

There are two kinds of narcissists that can thrive off narcissist supply: 

  • Covert narcissists: These types of narcissists have a grandiose sense of entitlement and self-importance. Ironically, they often appear to be humble, shy, or even introverted. Covert narcissists tend to have a need for control and often manipulate and deceive. 

 

  • Overt narcissists: On the other hand, overt narcissists are attention-seeking and have an inflated ego. They are more subtle when seeking power. In other words, they present themselves as being humble while still maintaining a position of control over others. 

Overt and covert narcissists can damage mental health through narcissistic abuse.

Both types of narcissists lack empathy for others, have a strong sense of entitlement and grandiosity, and will manipulate you to get what they want, no matter how traumatizing it may be to you.

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse 

When you are in a relationship involving narcissistic supply,  your emotions are often being toyed with, so it can be challenging to determine if you are the victim of narcissistic abuse.

Here are some things to look out for:

  • Gaslighting: Does your significant other make you doubt yourself and accuse you of lying or not understanding what “really” happened? Narcissists will deny any harmful behaviors or pretend things didn’t happen as they did. 


  • Love-bombing: One form of narcissistic abuse occurs when your significant other showers you with endless affection, compliments, and gifts. This may seem wonderful, but if they are a narcissist, they have ulterior motives. Love-bombing is how they earn your trust, leading to eventual control over you, your thoughts, emotions, and even your body. Feeling Good Wellness Center offers online therapy in California and Ontario for narcissistic abuse

 

  • Ignoring boundaries: Your boundaries are essential. However, if you are in a narcissistic abusive relationship, you’re likely to be an empath or close to one. Empaths have trouble setting and maintaining boundaries. Narcissists know this and take advantage of that. They will ignore them entirely. And when you attempt to reinforce them, they’ll argue with you and hurl insults and accusations. 
  • Projecting: Narcissists often project their poor behaviors on you and shift the blame. This technique is referred to as DARVO – Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender. What’s worse, they’ll deny any guilt and could damage your credibility. 


  • Criticizing: Narcissistic abusers will make you feel like everything you do, think, feel, or say is wrong. They may criticize your clothes, behavior, friends, job, overall appearance, or maybe even the sound of your voice.

I Can Help You Break the Cycle and Heal Through Online Counseling in California and Ontario

If your confidence and self-worth are shattered, you need professional guidance to build it back up and learn how to stand up to your narcissistic abuser. Chances are, you exhibit symptoms of PTSD, depression, and anxiety from the abuse. The good news is that there is hope. As an experienced, compassionate therapist, I provide high-quality online counselling in Ontario and California. 

I provide high-quality therapy for women in California and Ontario.

I can help you heal from the trauma you’ve experienced and set clear boundaries so you can heal. The negative effects of narcissistic abuse can run deep, but with a qualified professional on your side, there is a way out. 

Contact me for more information about my online therapy in California and online counselling in Ontario. The sooner you get the help you need, the faster you can feel free from abuse. 

 

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Signs you are an empath

10 Unmistakable Signs You Are an Empath

Have you been told you’re “too sensitive”? 

Do you feel like your joy and well-being depend on that of others?

Can you experience others’ emotions from a seemingly first-hand perspective?

If so, you have a decent chance of being an empath. But these aren’t the only tell-tale empath traits you could experience. There are several things to look for in yourself that could point to you being an empath, most of them having something to do with your emotions. 

Therapy for Empaths

What is an Empath?

The term “empath” derives from the word “empathy” and refers to individuals highly attuned to others’ feelings and emotions. While an empath feels great empathy, being an empathetic person and an empath are two different things.

If you are empathetic, you can put yourself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from. If you are empathetic,  you can separate your experience from theirs. 

In contrast, empaths take empathy to a whole different level. As an empath, you take others’ feelings and emotions on yourself, feeling the way they do. It’s not just feeling empathetic. It’s experiencing what others feel as if it is your own experience. 

Signs You Are an Empath

Being an empath means you take on others' emotions as your own.Understanding whether or not you are an empath is crucial to truly knowing and accepting yourself. Many empaths tend to feel bad about themselves because they are perceived as “overly sensitive.” As an empath, if judgemental narcissistic individuals surround you, you probably feel even worse. But if you genuinely love and accept yourself and see your empath traits as strengths rather than weaknesses, you can live a happier, more fulfilling life.

The truth is, it’s tough to do this on your own. The best thing you can do is partner with a trusted, compassionate, non-judgmental mental health professional who can guide you to understand yourself better. 

 (I can help!)

Here are some common empathy traits to help you understand whether you are an empath. See if any of the following resonates with you.

1. Other people’s emotions become your own. 

As mentioned earlier, one of the most prominent tell-tale signs you are an empath is that you not only understand what others feel, but you actually feel what others feel, as if what is happening to them is happening to you. 

In a way, you absorb others’ emotions like a sponge. It seems a little supernatural, right? It’s definitely a curious empath trait, but it isn’t implausible. Experts don’t exactly know how empaths absorb others’ emotions, but there is a theory. 

Everyone has “mirror neurons” within their brains. And as an empath, yours are highly active. These neurons read emotional cues from others to determine how others feel. In other words, as an empath, you can pick up on tiny changes in others’ body language, tone of voice, and expressions non-empaths miss.

These active mirror neurons cause you to feel what others are feeling. It’s a powerful empath trait and can help many people around you, but it can also be overwhelming and exhausting.

 

2. People often turn to you for advice.

Because empaths are naturally empathetic and understanding, your friends, family members, and peers may often come to you for support and advice. As an empath, you’re a good listener and will genuinely hear what others say to you and respond from your heart. 

 

3. You can easily become overwhelmed when in public places.

When you are an empath, you can experience others’ emotions and feelings without warning. So when you go out in public, you run the risk of becoming overwhelmed by others’ emotions, seemingly coming out of nowhere.

As an empath,  being surrounded by a large number of people can even lead to anxiety, panic attacks, fatigue, and other physical symptoms. 

One of the most common empath traits is your need to recharge.

4. You need time to recharge. 

Your heightened sensitivity to others’ emotions can be exhausting. Because you can’t necessarily “choose” to feel so deeply, not taking time for yourself can lead to burnout and negatively impact your overall well-being. 

As an empath, you often require time to relax and recharge, typically by yourself. This doesn’t mean you are an introvert. In fact, empaths can fall anywhere on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. Needing time away from others helps you avoid overwhelm and focus on your own needs. 

 

5. Violent and tragic TV shows and movies are too much for you.

Even though you aren’t physically living through the violence and tragedy movie and television characters experience, you still feel it deeply. If you are an empath, watching such things can be really draining, even when others find the content exciting, entertaining, or gripping. 

 

6. You struggle to set healthy boundaries.

Being an empath means you have a deep-seated longing to help, support, and show up for others. And that means you have difficulty saying no, even when you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and depleted. 

You may feel like saying no or setting healthy boundaries would come across as not caring about others. Of course, that’s entirely untrue. In reality, setting healthy boundaries for yourself is highly beneficial and can help you avoid burnout and overwhelm. It’s something I can help you do as your therapist!

 

7. You tend to put others before yourself all the time.

Can you recognize the signs you are an empath?Putting others before yourself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But when you always prioritize others’ needs over your own, you can do a number on your mental health and well-being. 

 

8. You feel others’ physical ailments too.

Believe it or not, being an empath can extend beyond feeling others’ emotions. Sometimes, empaths can feel physical sensations like tightness, soreness, and pain that mimic others’. Your empathetic mirror neurons can not only mirror others’ feelings, but they can also project physical sensations to your body.

 

9. You have a strong intuition.

As an empath, your gut feelings and hunches about situations or people often turn out to be accurate. It’s difficult for others to hide their true intentions from you. This allows you to be somewhat of a human lie detector. It can be helpful but also make you wary of people.

 

10. You become overwhelmed in intimate relationships.

Relationships can be challenging in general. But if you are an empath, you can sense every mood shift from your partner – positive and negative. When you are in an intimate relationship with someone, a lot of emotion is involved. And as an empath, it can be overwhelming. 

I Can Help You Learn How to Thrive as an Empath

Being an empath can be both challenging and wonderful. Living in a world with so much hurt, pain, and judgment can be difficult, especially as an empath. But there are so many beautiful qualities empaths have. You deserve to know, understand, love, and accept them in yourself. And you also deserve to learn how to set healthy boundaries and thrive in relationships of all types.

According to a 2022 study, no matter where they live in the world, their age, or race, women tend to be far more empathetic than men. And for that reason, there are many more women empaths in the world. 

I provide highly effective online therapy for women in California and Ontario and can help you learn how to thrive as an empath. I focus on delivering rapid results in all my therapy sessions, so you can make the positive changes you need to make as soon as possible.

I provide high-quality therapy for women in California and Ontario.

Living as an empath shouldn’t be a burden. I can help you figure out how to live freely, happily, and fully, even with your empath traits. Contact me to learn more about my therapy for women. You deserve to live a full and happy life. And I’m honored to help.

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Depression in women has several symptoms, some only women experience.

Depression In Women: Signs, Symptoms, and Why You Need Therapy

It’s not uncommon to experience emotional ups and downs. And as a woman, regular hormonal shifts often add to them. While feeling sad from time to time is a regular part of life, suffering from depression is something completely different.

According to many experts, women are approximately twice as likely to experience clinical depression. The gender differences between male and female depression have been widely documented. They have revealed that the risk for women experiencing major depression is higher, independent of ethnicity and race. Female depression effects millions of women every year.

The vital thing you must understand is that depression is not your fault. It’s not a decision you make, and it’s nothing to shrug off. Depression in women is a very real, diagnosable medical condition requiring attention from a trusted, compassionate mental health professional.

I’m Here for You

Risk Factors for Depression in Women

A comprehensive 2017 study revealed that the gender differences surrounding male and female depression typically begin around age 12. Several risk factors affect girls and women compared to men. 

Hormonal Factors

As a woman, you experience many hormonal changes throughout your lifetime. While men also have hormonal fluctuations, they are far less impactful on mental health than those you go through. 

 

  • Puberty – The onset of puberty can increase the risk of younger females developing depression, although it’s not an inevitable risk. 
  • PMDD – While many women experience premenstrual syndrome (PMS), others face a more severe medical condition called premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD, which is a type of depression typically requiring professional treatment. 
  • Pregnancy-related mental illness – Pregnancy is full of ever-changing hormones. Sometimes these hormone changes can contribute to pregnancy-related mental illness. Not all women will experience perinatal or postpartum depression or anxiety, but 10-20% will. 
  • Perimenopause and menopause – Your risk of developing female depression may increase during one of your body’s most significant life transitions: menopause. Decreased estrogen levels are typically to blame. 

Cultural Factors

Unfortunately, while things are slowly evolving, it’s a well-known fact that men and women aren’t always treated equally in all cultures, even in North America. The societal expectations, gender roles, and cultural norms put on us as women can easily contribute to depression in women. 

Discrimination, gender inequality, and the balancing of way-too-many roles is no doubt a common contributor. Trying to balance work, family, caregiving, and more can be very challenging, stressful, and draining. It’s no wonder more women experience depression than men. 

I provide women's counseling in California and Ontario.

Genetic Factors

There’s no denying your genetic makeup significantly impacts whether you may develop female depression. Like any other illness, mental illness can run in families. Having a family history of depression or other mood disorders increases the risk of depression in women.

Body Image and Self-Esteem Factors

In the age of social media, photoshop, and seemingly “perfect-looking” celebrities in Hollywood, as a woman, you face a constant barrage of what society deems as “beauty.” When you don’t fit within these unattainable standards of beauty, or you don’t think you do, it can damage your self-esteem and cause negative body image concerns. And when you struggle in these areas, you’re more at risk for dealing with depression.

It’s important to note that while these risk factors may increase your likelihood of developing depression, they don’t guarantee it. Depression in women is highly complex and depends on a number of individual factors. But if you believe you may be dealing with this common mood disorder, there’s no shame in reaching out for support. 

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Signs and Symptoms of Depression

No two women’s journeys through life are alike. The complex combination of what brings you to depression is as unique as you are. The same goes for your female depression symptoms. However, there are a number of common signs and symptoms you should be aware of. 

These include the following:

Depression in women is more common than depression in men.

  • persistent overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, and despair
  • loss of interest in activities and hobbies you once enjoyed (including sex)
  • irritability, guilt, anxiousness, and extreme mood swings
  • changes in appetite and eating patterns leading to significant weight loss or gain
  • overwhelming tiredness, fatigue, and loss of motivation or energy
  • inability to concentrate, make decisions, or remember things
  • physical symptoms like digestion problems and headaches
  • changes in sleeping habits like insomnia, oversleeping, or inability to stay asleep
  • experiencing panic attacks

There are also additional signs of depression in women you may not recognize as symptoms, including the following:

  • heightened self-criticism
  • mental fog
  • trouble with managing money – overspending or spending a significant amount of time thinking about it
  • body aches and pains
  • dry skin and eyes due to hormonal changes
  • diarrhea or constipation
  • social withdrawal
  • agitation and restlessness

Women’s Counseling in California and Ontario

The Importance of Therapy for Women

One of the most crucial things you can do for your mental health and well-being, especially when dealing with depression, is to partner with a trusted therapist. Therapy for women plays a critical role in helping you through your struggles. 

With the right therapist by your side, you’ll not only receive an accurate assessment of your mental health concerns, but you’ll also receive the emotional support you need. Sometimes as women, finding someone you can confide in without fear of judgment can be challenging. If you’re dealing with depression, you may feel isolated. This is where women’s counseling comes in. A compassionate, trusted therapist can help you feel less alone, validated, and understood. 

Dr. Dashtban offers compassionate, understanding therapy for women in Ontario and California.

How I Can Help

When you partner with me for women’s counseling in California and Ontario, you’ll gain an ally who’ll stay by your side throughout your journey and beyond. 

Therapy for women is a passion of mine. I believe you have the power within yourself to make the necessary changes you need to make to live a happy and fulfilling life. My extensive experience in the women’s health field and straightforward, honest, compassionate, and evidence-based approach to therapy is one you can count on. 

Whether you are struggling with depression or dealing with past hurts or traumas, mental health concerns negatively impact your everyday life. 

But they don’t have to. You have the capacity for change. And I can help you discover it.

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Heart disease in women after menopause is a problem.

Heart Disease in Women After Menopause: The Importance of Therapy

As you age, your risk of developing heart disease increases, especially if you are a menopausal or post-menopausal woman. In fact, heart disease is the leading cause of death in women over the age of 50. 

Many factors affect the chances of developing heart disease in women vs. men. That’s why it’s crucial to understand the causes of heart disease in women after menopause and what you can do to prevent it. 

Of course, many risk factors for developing heart disease, a form of cardiovascular disease (CVD), have to do with your changing body. But don’t discount the importance of mental health and heart disease. There is most certainly a link between the two. 

That’s why it’s vital to take care of both your physical and mental health as a menopausal woman. 

I Can Help

The Importance of Understanding the Increased Risk of Heart Disease in Women

The prevelence of heart disease in men vs. women means women really need to pay attention to their health.

A recent survey by the American Heart Association revealed that while roughly half of the women surveyed were aware that heart disease is the leading cause of death in women, only 13% believed it to be their most significant health risk. 

That seems strange, doesn’t it?

These same women surveyed said they were more worried about getting breast cancer even though they are more likely to be afflicted by heart disease. This may be because breast cancer affects women of many ages, while heart disease tends to prey on women post-menopausal. As a society, we emphasize the importance of breast health (which is important) but not as much on heart health. 

That needs to change. 

It may not be great news that you are more at risk of developing CVD as a menopausal or post-menopausal woman. It seems a little unfair that you have to go through so many changes in your physical body and have an increased risk of heart disease in women vs. men.

I don’t disagree. 

But the good news is that heart disease is preventable. And the first step to prevention is arming yourself with the knowledge you need to combat this number one killer of women. As the saying goes, “knowledge is power,” so it’s essential to understand how great of a risk heart disease in women is to make the necessary changes to prevent it. 

Heart Disease and Menopause: Contributing Factors

The most common contributing factors of heart disease in menopausal and post-menopausal women include the following:

  • Age: As previously mentioned, your chances of developing heart disease increase as you age. Because the average age of menopause is around 51 years old, your chances of developing CVD are greater after transitioning through this stage of your life.

 

  • Decreased estrogen levels: With menopause comes a decline in estrogen levels leading to adverse changes in crucial cardiovascular functions. Estrogen is extremely beneficial to your cardiovascular system and plays a role in maintaining healthy blood vessels, promoting favorable cholesterol levels, and reducing inflammation. This is why the differences between heart disease in women vs. men are so vastly different. 

 

  • Changes in lipid profile: After menopause, you may experience an increase in total cholesterol, LDL cholesterol (“bad cholesterol), and triglycerides. And to make matters worse, your “good” cholesterol levels, HDL cholesterol, may decrease. This combination could lead to plaque buildup in your arteries (atherosclerosis), increasing your risk of heart disease.

 

  • Hypertension: High blood pressure is one of the most significant risk factors for developing heart disease. After menopause, the chances of developing high blood pressure, or hypertension, increase after menopause, simultaneously increasing the chances of heart disease.

Heart disease and menopause are linked.

  • Metabolic syndrome and obesity: Another unfortunate thing women after menopause often experience is the likelihood of developing metabolic syndrome. This is a cluster of conditions, including increased abdominal fat, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and abnormal lipid levels.


  • Lifestyle factors: One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to practice healthy lifestyle habits. Having a poor diet and exercise regimen, smoking, and excessive alcohol consumption is a recipe for disaster when it comes to your heart health.

How Therapy for Women Supports the Fight Against Heart Disease in Women After Menopause

It may seem like the fight against heart disease in women after menopause is an uphill battle. While genetic elements may play into your development of some of the contributing factors listed above, taking an active role in your physical and mental well-being is one of the best things you can do to ensure you stay as healthy as possible. 

There are some physical things you can do to help prevent heart disease after menopause, including the following:

Heart disease in women is the leading cause of death in women over 50.

  • Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
  • Medications (depending on your risk profile)
  • Lifestyle modifications, including a healthy diet and regular physical activity
  • Getting regular check-ups

But something you may neglect regarding heart disease and menopause is working toward and maintaining your mental health. 

A 2021 statement in a popular American Heart Association journal states that negative psychological factors, personality traits, and mental disorders can harm your cardiovascular health. However, studies have also shown the opposite to be true: positive psychological attributes have actually been linked to a lower risk of cardiovascular disease. 

Conditions like depression, chronic stress, anxiety, anger, pessimism, and life dissatisfaction can significantly increase your risk of developing heart disease. 

That’s why getting high-quality therapy for women is an excellent way to help combat heart disease.

Partner With Me, Dr. Dashtban, For Improved Cardiovascular and Mental Health

I know that achieving and maintaining improved mental health isn’t something that happens overnight. But it’s important to understand that it can happen.

Life gets busy, hectic, and stressful. Sometimes procrastination, depression, family responsibilities, and prioritizing others’ needs get in the way of maintaining a heart-healthy lifestyle. 

And sometimes, trauma from your past leaves you feeling pessimistic about your life and your attempts at getting healthier. Or perhaps your diet and exercise efforts manifest a re-enactment of sorts of previous times of trauma. Of course, that will impede your chances of sticking with healthy lifestyle practices.

That’s why you must seek help. I want to help you stick to a healthy lifestyle to keep your heart healthy and prevent heart disease after menopause. 

One of my specialties is therapy for women. Of course, being a woman myself, I can empathize with you and many of your struggles. But I also have 20 years of experience in the therapeutic field to pull from. My extensive research and practical experience in the women’s health field allow me to connect with you genuinely, compassionately, and powerfully. 

Contact me to learn more about how I can become your ally in your battle against developing heart disease through therapy for women in California and Ontario. I want to guide you in your journey to wellness and help you sort out what is getting in the way of maintaining your mental and heart health.

I provide high-quality therapy for women in California and Ontario.

Contact Me Today!

 

How an Online Psychologist Can Improve Your Mental Health

How an Online Psychologist Can Improve Your Mental Health

If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed, an online psychologist may be the perfect solution for you. Online counseling is a growing field, and there are many psychologists who offer their services online.

By talking to a therapist online, you can get the help you need without ever having to leave your home. Plus, online therapy is often more affordable than traditional therapy. So if you’re looking for a way to improve your mental health, keep reading to find out how a virtual psychologist can improve your mental health.

How Does Online Psychological Counseling Work?

Studies show that it is just as effective as traditional therapy

Online psychological counseling, also known as e-therapy, is a relatively new way to receive mental health services. It has become increasingly popular in recent years due to its many advantages.

Online counseling can also be just as effective as traditional therapy. Studies have shown that it can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. If you are considering online psychological counseling, there are a few things you should know about how it works.

First, you will need to choose a therapist that you feel comfortable with and that you feel has the necessary expertise to help you. Once you have found a therapist, you will schedule regular appointments for video or phone calls. During these calls, you will discuss your concerns and goals for treatment. Your therapist will then provide guidance and support to help you achieve your goals.

An Online Psychologist Can Teach You Better Coping Skills

When you are dealing with a difficult situation, it is easy to feel like you are all alone. But there is help available, even if you don’t live close to family or friends who can support you. An online psychologist can provide you with the skills and knowledge you need to cope with whatever life throws your way.

While it may seem like online therapy is not as personal as meeting face-to-face, research has shown that it can be just as effective. And, in some cases, it can even be more convenient and affordable. An online psychologist can teach you better coping skills, help you to understand your emotions, and provide support when you need it most.

Whether you are dealing with a death in the family, a job loss, or any other type of challenge, an online psychologist can help you to get through it.

An Online Psychologist Can Diagnose Mental Health Conditions

Many people suffer from mental health conditions that go undiagnosed and untreated. This is because mental health conditions can be difficult to diagnose, and many people are reluctant to seek help from a mental health professional. However, an online psychologist can provide an accurate diagnosis for mental health conditions.

By conducting a comprehensive assessment of symptoms and family history, an online psychologist can reach a diagnosis that is based on the latest research. In addition, an online psychologist can provide valuable resources and support for people who are struggling with mental health conditions.

Working With an Online Therapist From Home Can Reduce Stress

Stress is a debilitating condition that can have serious consequences on our physical and mental health. If left unchecked, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and even heart disease. But finding the time and money to see a therapist can be difficult. That’s where online therapy comes in.

By connecting with a therapist via text, chat, or video call, you can get the help you need without having to step out of your home. For many people who are very anxious about being in face-to-face settings, the opportunity to receive therapy online makes them more likely to participate.

An Online Psychologist Can Provide Flexible Scheduling Options

It’s easy to fit online therapy into a busy schedule

It can be difficult to find the time to see a psychologist. Traditional therapy appointments often take place during the workday, which can make it tough to schedule around work and other obligations. However, an online psychologist can provide flexible scheduling options that make it easier to fit therapy into your busy life.

Many online psychologists offer appointments in the evening or on weekends, and some even provide 24/7 availability. In addition, online therapy sessions can be shorter than traditional in-person sessions, making them more convenient for busy schedules.

Online Therapy Is Often More Financially Accessible

When it comes to seeking professional help, many people find that traditional face-to-face therapy can be prohibitively expensive. This is especially true if you live in a rural area or are on a tight budget.

Online therapy can be a great alternative for those who might not otherwise be able to afford therapy. Because online therapists often work on a sliding scale, they can be more affordable for many people. You do not need to pay for travel expenses or childcare. In addition, online therapy can be flexible in terms of schedule and location, which can also make it more affordable.

You can often find online therapists who offer evening and weekend appointments, as well as therapists who offer sessions via Skype or other video call platforms. This flexibility can make online therapy a more affordable option for those who have busy schedules or live in rural areas.

Are You Ready to Talk to a Psychologist Online in San Francisco

By taking care of your mental health, you’re setting yourself up for success now and in the future. By reading this article, you’ve already taken a step on your journey and we’d love to be there the rest of the way.

If you’re looking for an online psychologist in San Francisco, we’re here to help. Here at Feeling Good Therapy, our founder, Dr. Katie Dashtban, is a virtual psychologist who offers online psychological counseling in San Francisco. Contact us today to learn more about our services and set up a free consultation.

How to Find the Right Therapist for You

How to Find the Right Therapist for You

Finding a therapist that is a good fit for you or a loved one is not always a walk in the park. Mental health professionals have become in increasingly high demand these days, as many people grapple with anxiety and depression related to the pandemic, social injustice, financial stress, and other disorders or trauma. Although it might take quite a bit some time and effort to find a therapist who is the best fit for you and all of your needs, it is worthwhile in the long run.

You’ll want to pick a therapist who offers openings that fit into your schedule, falls within your budget or takes your insurance, is experienced with treating the particular problems you’re facing, and ensures that you’re feeling safe and comfortable enough to open up. Here are a few tips on how you can find the right therapist for you.

What Is a Therapist?

Therapists, to speak broadly, are professionals trained to provide rehabilitation and treatment. This term often refers to psychologists, though it may also include others who offer many services, such as life coaches, counselors, and social workers. Though the term is not a protected occupational title, many types of therapists must be licensed to practice. Occupational therapists and marriage and family therapists both fall under this category. Therapists, sometimes known as psychotherapists or counselors, play integral roles in helping patients overcome their mental health issues.

How to Get a Therapist

Ask yourself some important questions

Wondering how to find a good therapist in Los Angeles? Here are some tips:

As you are the central part of your healing process, it’s up to you to decide who you want to help guide you throughout the process. Ask yourself some questions about what you need help with, such as:

  • Why are you going to therapy? Common reasons include anxiety, depression, adjusting to a new situation, or relationships.
  • What type of therapist do you think you’d be most comfortable with? You may prefer a professional you know nothing about or someone trained in social justice with a solid understanding of your unique situation.
  • What kind of approach do you think you’ll respond to? You might want something more solutions-oriented and intense, or you may prefer being able to break cultural stigmas and grow more comfortable being open with your feelings.

Though you do not need to be an expert on all kinds of therapy, you should make sure you can communicate what you want to your therapist so they can determine if they have the right tools to assist and advise you.

Places to Look

Referrals
While some people might feel comfortable asking their family and friends for therapist recommendations, those who are less public can talk to their primary care physician. As healthcare providers have their own networks, they often refer clients to each other if they aren’t the right fit.

Insurance Directories
If the therapist is in-network and has an insurance plan, the client is only responsible for the co-pay. Contrarily, if they’re out of network, all insurance and benefit plans have different out-of-network deductibles. Thus, the client will pay a certain amount of money out of pocket before insurance kicks in. Therapists will frequently provide their clients with receipts to send to the insurance company, which will reimburse a percentage directly to the client.

Online Directories
Psychology Today provides the most widely used therapist directory, which generates over 95,000 referrals per day and includes over 165,000 therapists and treatment centers. You can search by various categories, including kinds of therapy, price, ethnicity, faith, location, insurance, age, issues, sexuality, gender, and language.

Another resource is GoodTherapy, which has filters allowing you to search by evening, weekend availability, and wheelchair accessibility. There has also been a movement to make more specialized directories over the past few years. For example, TherapyDen has even more filters to search with, such as political anxiety, racial justice, sex-positive, LGBT issues, and kink-friendly. Consider reaching out to churches, community organizations, or other therapists for advice or assistance for specific needs.

Searching for Criteria

If you can’t find a therapist near you, go online

Location
In case you’re asking yourself, “how do I find the best therapist near me?” you should know that fewer clients now search for therapists based on how close they are to them or their workplace. Location is less of a determining factor, mainly due to the pandemic causing many therapists to start seeing their clients over video. However, it’s important to remember that therapists can be reprimanded for working with residents outside their licensed state. This protects the client if the therapist does anything inappropriate: if they are in-state, they can report any issues to the state’s licensing board.

Budget
If you cannot afford to pay out of pocket or find someone appropriate through your insurance network, you may want to look for therapists who accept reduced-fee or sliding scale rates. Otherwise, you can consider a therapist in training. These are commonly graduate students or recent graduates who are looking for hours to qualify for certification and often work with a supervisor.

Credentials
It’s important to confirm that a therapist is licensed, meaning they have completed a specific number of hours of clinical experience. If you’re looking to find a therapist in California (or elsewhere), check the local state board to determine if a therapist is licensed and has been suspended or reprimanded.

Therapists who have master’s degrees can get different licenses, all of which have their own requirements and nuances:

  • Licensed professional counselor (LCP)
  • Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT)
  • Licensed clinical social work (LCSW)

Additionally, psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioners (PMHNP) can prescribe medications, conduct therapy, and diagnose. Physiatrists are medical doctors and can prescribe medication. Psychologists can do assessments and testing. While visiting psychologists and psychiatrists usually is more expensive, they typically provide more specialized and in-depth training.

Are you looking for psychotherapy in Los Angeles? Search no further than the Feeling Good Wellness Center. Contact Dr. Katie Dashtan at 831-621-1150.

How to Overcome Shame

How to Overcome Shame

We all experience feelings of shame from time to time. Though these feelings sometimes pass relatively quickly, they can often linger for longer than we’d like and lead to self-destructive behaviors even among the most confident people. Shame can be difficult to identify, whether it’s concealed by other emotions or disguised as anxiety or depression. Thus, we need to understand what shame is, how to identify it, and what we can do to overcome different types of this emotion. Here is some information about how to overcome shame:

What Is Shame?

Shame can be defined as feelings of embarrassment or humiliation resulting from the perception of having done some immoral, improper, or dishonorable. While it is important when it comes to following laws, adhering to cultural norms, and even having basic social skills, it can also be an extremely negative emotion. It can become problematic when it creates feelings of being fundamentally flawed or unworthy and causes those who have feelings of shame to hide what they are ashamed of.

Signs of Shame

 Learn how to recognize the signs of shame

 

If you’re wondering whether or not you’re experiencing feelings of shame, here are the signs. They are classified into two characters, feelings, and behaviors:

Feelings

  • Feeling sensitive, unappreciated, used, rejected, inadequate, or dishonorable
  • Worrying about how others perceive you
  • Worrying that you aren’t being treated with respect or are being taken advantage of
  • Wanting to have the last word
  • Being afraid to share your thoughts or feelings
  • Being afraid to look inappropriate or stupid
  • Fear of failure that outweighs the fear of doing some immoral
  • Being a perfectionist
  • Feeling different, like an outsider, or feeling left out
  • Feeling skeptical of others
  • Afraid to be the center of attention
  • Being a wallflower
  • Shutting people out, withdrawing
  • Feeling that you can’t be your true self
  • Loss of identity
  • Feelings of regret

Behaviors

  • Keeping your head down
  • Not looking people in the eye
  • Slumping your shoulders rather than standing straight
  • Feeling frozen
  • Being unable to act spontaneously
  • Stuttering while trying to speak
  • Talking in a very soft voice
  • Hiding from others
  • Crying when you feel ashamed or embarrassed

Overcoming Body Shame

Learn to love yourself just the way you are

 

In today’s society, many of us face challenges when it comes to loving and accepting our bodies. In a highly digital world where the presence of social media has led to constant comparison, we are often feeling ashamed of our bodies and telling ourselves that they aren’t good enough. However, it’s important to recognize that you don’t need to change your body to be able to show it off to the world if that’s what you’d like to do. Here are some tips for overcoming shameful feelings about your body:

  • Intentionally choose messages on social media platforms that promote body acceptance and self-love.
  • Believe you can love your body as it is.
  • Come out of your comfort zone, and don’t keep yourself hidden because you’re ashamed of your body.
    Consider that your negative feelings about your body could be wrong and practice more body-positive language toward yourself.
  • Become more aware of your negative self-talk and the effect you’re having on yourself so that you can entertain your harshness towards yourself.
  • Create an inner supporter, using caring, body-positive language towards yourself.
  • Practice thanking your body and all that it does for you.

Overcoming Shame and Codependency
For those with codependency, shame can linger for too long subconsciously, leading to other painful feelings and problematic behaviors. Additionally, it can lead to control, caretaking, and submissive, dysfunctional communication with others. It makes people scared to get close to others because they believe themselves to be unworthy of love or are worried about disappointing those with who they do form strong bonds. Their fear of being abandoned by others causes them to flee themselves. To overcome shame and codependency, make sure you’re in a safe environment where you can express yourself, receive acceptance and empathy, and be vulnerable. You can then internalize a new experience, revise your beliefs about yourself, and build positive self-esteem.

Overcome Shame and Anxiety
Mental health disorders involving self-criticism or judgment, such as anxiety can create feelings of shame. This can result from fears of not being able to live up to your own overly high standards, worries that your flaws or inadequacy will be revealed, or social anxiety that may come from being the victim of bullying or being rejected by others. If you feel shame about a certain aspect of your character or something you have been judged for by others, then your best solution is probably to show yourself some self-love.

How to Overcome Shame of Failure
If you fail to meet your expectations or succeed at something, you may feel shame related to failure and disappointment. This is closely related to shame concerning defeat. To overcome the shame of failure, remember that you don’t need to always achieve perfection to be a worthwhile person.

Overcoming Childhood Shame
Childhood trauma or neglect can be a significant cause of internalized shame, shame that has been turned inward. For example, an individual who is abused as a child might experience feelings of unworthiness or other feelings of shame related to their abuse. In this case, identify the shame and let go of it rather than holding onto it.

Overcoming Shame and Embarrassment
Humiliation, the most intense form of shame, emerges when we feel critically embarrassed about something. This emotion is often felt when we do something we deem embarrassing in front of other people. Since this source of shame comes from something others have judged you for, it’s important to accept yourself just as you are and move forward rather than trying to change yourself or your character to please others.

Looking for a therapist to help you deal with your feelings of shame? Search no further than Feeling Good Wellness Center. We provide structured, results-oriented, and tailor-made psychotherapy that will help restore peace in your mind. If you’re interested in our services, contact Dr. Kate Dashtban at (831) 621- 1150 or (888) 539- 1172.

How to Deal With Living in a Toxic Household

How to Deal With Living in a Toxic Household

When you’re in your own home, you should feel safe to be yourself. Home should be a place where you can share your struggles, overcome your challenges, and be supported along the way.

Unfortunately, many people don’t experience home in this way. There are people in their family — living in their household — who aren’t safe. In fact, the individuals may be toxic to your personal sense of safety, growth, and fulfillment.

How do you know if you are living in a toxic household, and what can you do to cope? Here are some tips.

Signs You’re in a Toxic Household

Recognizing the signs can help you cope

You might feel frustrated or hurt by interactions with family members at home, but you probably wonder if they are truly “toxic.” One of the most common traits of someone affected by toxic family is that they think “it’s not that bad.”

The truth is, if you’re feeling hurt or damaged, it is that bad when it comes to your personal experience. That’s enough for you to get help from a compassionate, trained therapist.

However, it can help to have validation and understand what behaviours are truly toxic. Here are some of the signs that you’re dealing with a toxic family household:

  • People make critical and cruel remarks to each other
  • They lie about, or are in denial about, family dynamics
  • Family members punish each other with silence or withholding affection
  • People talk behind each other’s backs
  • Family members dismiss others who bring up hurt feelings or bad interactions
  • One or more household members expect the others to be perfect or live up to ever-moving expectations
  • There are threats of violence and/or actual violence
  • There is a lot of passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Family members gaslight each other by denying that hurtful events happened

These are just the most common signs — to include every sign of a toxic household would take up an entire book, unfortunately. If you feel like you’re the victim of a toxic household, it’s time to break the cycle by getting the help you need.

Remember That Toxic People Also Had Toxic Experiences

People generally aren’t born angry, resentful, controlling, or passive-aggressive. Usually they had experiences growing up that create those attitudes in them and showed them that this behaviour is okay.

That doesn’t excuse what they’re doing, and it doesn’t make the behaviour OK. However, it can help you understand the generational pattern at work and give you some compassion for where they came from.

It’s also important to realize that because people generally repeat the behaviour they experience, you’re at risk of creating your own toxic household if you don’t get the help you need to break the cycle. This might look like belittling your own kids, being passive-aggressive with a spouse, or leaving a toxic relationship only to enter anothqweqweqweer one shortly afterward.

Breaking the cycle is one of the most courageous things you can do, and it’s much easier with the help of an understanding therapist.

Living With Toxic Family Members

If you’re in a situation where you can’t leave your current household, how do you deal with toxic family members? There are a variety of strategies, and we’ll dive into several here.

Don’t Be Afraid to Call the Authorities

We’re going to talk about coping with non-criminal toxic behaviour in a minute, but I want to make this important point first — if you are being physically or sexually abused, call the authorities right away.

It is never OK for someone to assault you. If someone does that, they need to be held accountable for their actions. Don’t let them intimidate you by claiming things will get worse if they leave. We all find ways to survive and the abuser must be stopped. Call 911 if you are being abused.

Set Clear Boundaries

Your family may not respect boundaries well, but by setting boundaries and sticking to them, you’re standing up for yourself and showing yourself that you’re valuable and deserve care. You can decide what kind of treatment you’ll accept and won’t accept.

You can start with requests for different behaviour, such as “I don’t appreciate being yelled at, please talk to me in a normal tone.” If they don’t comply, follow through with a consequence, such as walking away from the situation in that moment and going to your room or perhaps out for a drive.

Limit What You Share

Speak to a trusted friend or therapist

Even if you have to live with toxic family members, you can set limits on how much you let them in to your internal life. Even your mom doesn’t need to know your deepest secrets or struggles if she cannot be trusted with them. The same is true for your dad, siblings, or anyone else in the household.

Limiting what you share at home can be isolating, but it protects you from being belittled or making poor decisions due to pressure. Find someone outside your home that you can share with in confidence, such as a therapist, a wise friend, or another trustworthy person.

Let Go of Your Expectations for Others’ Lives

This might be one of the hardest steps to take when you have toxic family members, but you have to let go of who you want them to be. Perhaps your mom will never be the mom you’ve seen on TV sitcoms. Maybe you and your sibling will never be close.

The truth is you can’t control other people’s lives or make decisions for them. However, you are in full control of your own life. You can choose to move on as soon as possible and let your family members be who they’re going to be.

How to Leave a Toxic Household

Living with toxic family members is damaging, and if you can leave, it’s a good idea to do so. However, it’s important to keep your plans to yourself until you can fully execute them.

You’ll need to create a detailed plan that includes:

  • Where you’re going to go
  • Saving up money for the move
  • A job to support yourself and pay your own bills
  • Who you’re going to live with, if anyone

It’s common for people who are in toxic situations to leave but then shortly end up in another toxic situation. In order to avoid being drawn back to what’s familiar (but harmful) to you, get the help you need in the form of professional therapy.

Get Help Coping Today

Living in a toxic household can cause a lot of damage to your confidence and mental health. Getting the help you need can allow you to break the cycle and create a healthy living space.

If you’re ready to break free, set up an appointment with Dr. Dashtban today!