Today, people live in a society where their bodies define who they are. Size and weight have become definitive factors of body image. When a person is unhappy with their size and weight, it makes it difficult for them to be satisfied with themselves. This problem causes men and women alike to take a step further and associate negative body image with self-image. Today’s society has forced people to believe that the only way to boost their self-image and feel better about themselves is to lose weight and become thinner, much like those extremely skinny models seen on television and in magazines.

Any damaging thought about your body image can have a direct impact on your self-esteem. Poor body image does not only affect how you perceive and carry yourself but also puts you at risk for serious mental health issues, such as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) and eating disorders.

Understanding the cause is a crucial part of overcoming body image issues and learning to view yourself in a healthy and positive way.

• Rewrite Your Body Narrative

Your body narrative refers to how you see your body from a young age. The first step to overcoming issues with your body image is to reflect on how your body narrative started. This process can help you unravel thoughts and beliefs that are not healthy for your mental health. Take time to ask yourself:

• • At what age did you start having concerns about your body?
  • How did those stories impact your life at the time?

Once you recognize how these patterns are created in your mind, you can start to undo them.

• Fight “Fatism”

Accepting that bodies come in different sizes and shapes is another important step in appreciating your own body. You can even make a list of people you admire who do not have “perfect” bodies. How does their appearance affect how you feel about them? It is important to understand that the society’s body standards have significantly changed over the decades. Full-bodied women, like Marilyn Monroe and Mae West, were once considered the “ideal beauties” in the 1940s and 1950s. However, as the years passed, their body type came to be considered “overweight” by today’s standard.

• Stop Comparing Yourself

Comparing your physical attributes to those of other people often results in despair and loss of self-esteem. Many people, especially women, find it challenging to stop comparing themselves with others. This negative habit is automatic and can happen several times a day. When you compare yourself with others, what do you usually say to yourself? Is it fair? Is it realistic? How does it impact you?

• Practice Intuitive Eating

Intuitive eating means viewing food from an unbiased place. When you view food as either healthy or unhealthy, it can make you feel guilty, straining your relationship with food. However, when you practice intuitive eating, it integrates emotion, instinct, and rational thoughts into your choices of food. Reminding yourself that you deserve to enjoy food helps you to easily adapt to a more neutral perspective on food choices.

• Accept Genetics

There are certain aspects of your body that you cannot change no matter what you do. Genetics plays a significant role in your body size and shape. Medical experts said that at least 25% to 70% of your body is determined by your genes. Although it is impossible to change your genes, there are things you can do to alter or modify your beliefs and attitudes that will influence the way you feel about yourself.

When dealing with unhealthy body image, change should start with you. Also, it should start with self-respect and a positive attitude. You should also pay attention to your health and not your size. That is why it is important to stop comparing your body with that of your family members and friends, as well as media images. Keep in mind that no two bodies are the same. Your body is unique. It is impossible to be truly happy with yourself if you “diet into” a new body.

• Set Healthy Boundaries

You can choose not to participate in a discussion with someone who is complaining about their body or food. However, if you feel comfortable about the topic of weight loss and diet, you can remind them that such discussion can bring up emotional discomfort. Gently letting them know that you prefer not to talk about these issues because of your personal struggles can be rewarding.

• Befriend Your Body

Fighting negative body image helps prevent depression, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and self-consciousness. Stop judging your body and start to appreciate your inner being. The body of every man and woman is a biological masterpiece. Remember that you are a unique human being and that you do not have to compare yourself to others, especially those women in the media. Instead, follow women on social media that promote body image positivity. No matter what images you see on the Internet, make sure you realize your worth and that you do not need to depend on how closely you fit into these unrealistic standards.

• Seek Out Support

Wherever you are in North America, talking with a trusted online therapist in Los Angeles, San Francisco, or Toronto can help you identify the underlying feelings related to body image and heal your relationship with food rather than going through a rigid diet plan.

Accepting and loving your body always starts with you. Body image and self-esteem often go hand-in-hand. Any unrealistic pursuit of changing your body can often damage your mental and emotional health. If you know a loved one who struggles with negative body image, please seek professional mental health services in Toronto, Los Angeles or San Francisco to help stop the cycle of body hatred.

Dr. Katie Dashtban is here to help you redefine your body image and make you feel better about yourself. Give her a call at (831) 621-1150 or (888) 539-1172 to schedule a free consultation.

Do you feel the need to be alone and to withdraw from the world this time of year? You might have winter blues, otherwise known as seasonal affective disorder or seasonal depression. Fortunately, you are not alone in this battle, and there exist many ways to fight it.

Does Seasonal Depression Only Occur During Winter?

The weather affects your mood and energy. If you get depressed specifically in the middle of winter, you may have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Seasonal affective disorder usually lingers for a few months before disappearing. Then, it revisits you as the winter season approaches once more.

SAD, however, isn’t limited to the winter. The disorder can affect you anytime, depending on which season triggers your depression. Despite being colourful seasons bringing in fairly enjoyable weather, fall, spring, and even summer can still bring in depression for those affected with SAD.

Why Am I SAD This Time of Year?

Sadness is an integral part of human emotion, a natural response to external forces. It’s another story, though, when it gets too extreme and lingers longer than usual during the winter months.

It helps to know the possible causes of your winter blues. You may be:

Experiencing a change in body clock pattern

Your body clock patterns change depending on the seasons. And in winter time, it is expected to change drastically due to the shorter days and longer nights. When daylight decreases, your body automatically knows that it’s nighttime and you feel more fatigued.

Overproduction of melatonin

Melatonin is the hormone that helps you sleep. It is also a main factor to the body’s clock function. This hormone is produced when stimulated by darkness. When the nights are longer, melatonin increases and you feel tired the whole day.

Lacking Vitamin D

Vitamin D comes from sunlight and the food you eat. The sunlight you get during winter is low, which also deprives you of the much-needed serotonin. As it happens, Vitamin D regulates your serotonin levels. When your Vitamin D cache is depleted, you may not feel like doing anything for the whole day because you’re not getting enough serotonin to stabilize your moods.

I’m Not Sure If I’m Having the Winter Blues

Before, winter blues might have felt quite “normal.” But with our world reeling from the heels of the COVID-19 pandemic, depression has become common with extended periods of isolation from the outside world. Your feeling of being withdrawn from society may have become even more intense.

Seasonal affective depression takes on a different meaning these days because of the pandemic. In the USA, SAD affects an estimated 10 million people, with women being more affected than men. In Canada, 2% to 3% of the population experience the disorder in their entire lives. Most of these are living in areas less exposed to sunlight.

The symptoms of SAD vary from person to person, but if you’re having the winter blues, these are fairly common:

• Sadness in the winter months
• Unmotivated to do small tasks
• Sleeping troubles
• Spending a day or two in bed
• Social withdrawal
• Longer hours of sleep
• Increased appetite and weight gain
• Irritability, fatigue, and a heavy weight in some parts of the body, especially in the arms and legs
• Prolonged bouts of sadness

Formal diagnosis for SAD can only be confirmed with a visit to your psychologist. If going out of your way for a physical visit eludes you, consider online therapy so you can consult with your psychologist in the comforts of your own home.

The Fight For Seasonal Depression: How to Combat Your Winter Blues

While you’re still mulling over therapy as a viable option to fight your seasonal depression, there are other ways to help you deal with or overcome your winter blues. Admittedly, building a stronghold to fight your SAD doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start brick by brick by doing the following:

Mentally preparing yourself

Since SAD is a yearly affair for you, consider preparing your mind for the onset as early as fall. Do some activities with friends to help you keep connected. With the harsh winds and snow winter can bring, you’d be compelled to stay at home more than necessary.

Getting some light therapy

Light therapy for seasonal depression using SAD lamps and SAD lights can help stimulate light inside the room and lessen the fatigue you feel. Expose yourself to a light box for 20 to 30 minutes per day to get your body clock pattern on the right track. However, if you’re on medications that might cause photosensitivity, you need to talk to your doctor.

Moving your body

And we mean to get yourself moving more than usual. Take some time to do some light exercises to keep your mind off things. It will also help you stay fit for the holidays and beyond.

Letting the sunlight in

Sunlight in the winter is scarce, so whenever the sun shines, let up your blinds, open your windows to let the sunlight in. If you’re feeling it, you can take a quick stroll outside so you can stock up on your natural Vitamin D.

Writing your thoughts down

Grab a pen and a notebook to document your journey to battling SAD. Just write every thought you have throughout the season. Read every entry you have and take note of your progress however it might have turned out. Specifically pay attention to patterns of negative thinking such as overgeneralization, fortune telling and discounting the positive.

See Dr. Dashtban When the SAD Gets All Too Much to Bear

The SAD times are always tough to get through, but if everything’s too much to bear, you can always turn to Feeling Good Wellness Center for help. Whether you’re in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or Toronto, you can talk to licensed online therapist Dr. Katie Dashtban through virtual one-on-one sessions. Call 888-539-1172 so you can feel good again.

Couples go through challenges and problems that could make or break their relationship. If the marriage turns sour over time, it ends up in divorce. This life-changing event brings out the emotions couples have kept in for so long before agreeing to divorce formally.

Divorce affects you, your partner, your children (if you have any), and the people you hold dear. You fill in the role your partner once had. People take sides and can end up blaming you for everything. You don’t enjoy the same financial leeway as before. There’s almost no one you could seek help from after the divorce.

Rebuilding your life after divorce is definitely the hardest part. You’re doing everything alone and learning new things for the first time in a long time. While you will definitely face challenges as you start anew, you can find your way to a slow but steady recovery:

1. Allow yourself to grieve

Just like any kind of loss, you need to allow yourself to grieve over divorce. Lie on your bed the whole day. Eat a tub of ice cream while watching sad movies. Spend days looking outside the window and crying all of a sudden.

The path to grieving is by no means linear, and a one-size-fits-all formula for how you mourn an unfortunate loss like this does not exist. Grieve as much as you can. Acknowledging what happened and letting the emotions flow through you are a good first step to recovery.

2. Seek emotional support

When you’re grieving and emotionally vulnerable, you need all the emotional support you can get. Call up your friends and vent your feelings. Join a support group for divorced individuals. Seek guidance and help from people who went through the same situation. You just can’t go through it alone. You’ll always need someone by your side.

3. Write a journal

Words hold immense power. With the many things you want to say not just to your partner but also to yourself, you might struggle in finding the right ways to say it.

Spoiler alert: there is no one right way to say any of these difficult things, but writing them down, no holds barred, is a good place to start. Grab a pen and a notebook and write whatever you want. Your entries can be about your feelings or the most mundane everyday happenings.

Writing helps reduce the pain you feel. Develop the habit of writing and you’ll track your progress of healing over time. You’ll notice the changes in your moods and responses to your memories.

4. Set goals and making new hobbies

Now that you’ve wiggled your way out of a messy (or amicable) divorce, it’s time to build new goals and hobbies. Return to your old hobbies or take on something new. You don’t need to excel at it. What’s important is that the hobby you choose makes you smile and relieves you from the upsets of your divorce (or life in general).

5. Build new connections

With divorce comes losing the people you thought were true to you. At some point, you end up getting blamed for the entire thing. But it’s not too late to build new connections and meet people. It’s natural to gain new friends and to lose contact with some along the way. Open yourself up to new friendships.

6. Celebrate the single life

Life after divorce signifies a fresh start. Now that you’re single, you can find a way to celebrate what’s left of you and the countless possibilities for your future.

Spend a day alone. Take a trip with your friends. Go on a vacation in your family home. Talk to good old friends back in your hometown. Throw a party. Do all the things you did back when you were single.

Although it takes several adjustments and getting used to, there’s no reason not to be happy after your divorce.

7. Consider dating again

Happiness after divorce may seem elusive for some people. Some choose not to open their hearts up to potential new partners while some put themselves out in the market again.

If you feel like it, download dating apps and begin swiping left and right. Ask your friends to set you up on a date. Divorce is not the end for you — it’s a new opportunity to find the right person.

8. Explore what pleases you

Marriage may have toned down your libido. Bring it back to life by exploring sensations that you once felt. With divorce comes opportunities to pursue sexual relations with other people. Remember to practice safe sex, choose your partners wisely, and never feel shame about exploring what your body wants.

But not all pleasure is sexual. If this is not your cup of tea, you always have the choice to pursue other avenues of pleasure.

9. Reinvent your whole self

Take the time after divorce to evaluate where you are in life. Try a new fitness routine. Get a makeover. Apply for a job that’s a total opposite of what you do. Shift your mindset and get used to the new you.

Don’t forget to love yourself after everything you’ve been through. Remember, you can only begin loving others if you love yourself first. Know your worth, always.

10. Handle your finances

Life after divorce is hard, especially for women. If your partner was financially supporting you, you may now have to handle the finances on your own. Don’t worry, though, there are practical ways to managing your finances post-divorce: Try:

• Flipping the budget

Revamp the whole budget since you’re handling it alone. You need to make huge changes including downsizing your home and eating at home instead of outside. Lifestyle changes come along with budget.

• Evaluating accounts

Look at your bank account and make compromises about giving up the things you used to enjoy. Spend the money on more important things.

• Setting goals and priorities

If you have children, put their needs first above anything. Set goals with your finances and prioritize the things you need to do after the split. Boost your finances by finding home-based jobs and setting up a small business.

• Talking to a financial planner

If you can’t handle your finances well or you overspend along the way, talk to a financial planner. They’ll help you set goals and allot the money to important matters.

The dreams you built with your ex-partner haven’t completely gone down the drain after divorce. You have the choice to achieve them by yourself or with a new partner, as long as it does not bring back the unpleasant parts of your former life.

11. Be strong for your children

Divorce brings about huge changes to both parents and children. Co-parenting is even more challenging for divorced parents who separated on bad terms. As a child, seeing your parents divorcing when you thought everything was okay can be shocking and confusing. As parents, you have to be strong for the sake of your children.

Explain divorce and be strong for the children by:

• Being united

Talk to your partner and come up with the best explanation for the divorce. Stick to it and relay it to your children.

• Putting a stop to fights

There’s no real benefit if you and your partner always fight even after the divorce. You’ll just bring more harm to the children than any good.

• Getting involved

It won’t hurt to ask your children how they are doing and asking them questions. That way, your children feel that you still care for them individually.

• Being honest

Honesty is always the best policy, especially in divorce. When your child asks questions, answer them as honestly as you can. You need to be aware of the information you share too. Little children don’t need too much information. For teenagers, you need more transparency. They are surely as confused as you are in navigating their new normal.

• Spending time

Plan the times you spend with your children. You can ask them what they want to do and go with it.

• Addressing changes

Tell your children about the changes in living arrangements now that the divorce is finally official. Downsizing the home and cutting back on some unimportant expenses are some things your children need to understand.

• Giving love and reassurance

Your children need to feel that you still love them despite the divorce. Always assure them that you’re there for them no matter what happens.

• Respecting your partner

Treat your partner with the same respect you once did while you were married. Respect their decision in life and their parenting style.

12. Consider divorce mediation and therapy

When things are hard to deal with, therapists are there to listen and help you out. Divorce mediation or divorce therapy is a viable choice for individuals seeking support during the rockiest days of their new post-divorce life. Divorce therapy is a new approach that is not as prevalent as couple’s therapy, but is quite effective for those who are motivated to re-gain their steady and happy selves after divorce.

You and your psychologist can work on a solution that’s tailor-fit to your situation. You don’t need to delay getting help if you badly need it. If you are in Toronto, ON or San Francisco and Los Angeles, CA, help is available at Feeling Good Wellness Center. Consider online divorce mediation or divorce therapy with Dr. Katie Dashtban and begin your journey to healing.

A future filled with love and happiness awaits you and it must start with yourself. Let Dr. Dashtban help you feel good about your life after divorce. Call 1-888-539-1172 or email [email protected].

 

It’s easy to fall into hopelessness and despair, especially in the face of crisis, which effectively calls for CHANGE.

Let’s agree that COVID-19 has brought into question most everything that we once considered “normal.”

Meeting Face to Face: used to mean literally seeing the face of the person with your own eyes in a place where you are only about two or three feet apart. Now, face to face meetings means meeting online via your favorite platform.

Going Somewhere: used to mean physically walking, busing, driving, flying, etc., to the desired place. You’d go to your class by walking into it. You’d go to a concert, to the movies, to someone’s house, to a yoga class, to the gym. Now, the phrase “going somewhere” is used to virtually going there, in addition to the physically showing up.

Those are only two examples of what used to be normal, which has now changed into some other type of normal. And now that word: “CHANGE:” If you just ask a handful of people whether they like change, you are likely to hear a big NO!

Our brains are equipped with a wonderful talent, which is called pattern recognition.

It’s the ability to see the pattern in things that are repeated in a similar way and be able to make deductions about future expectations of that same type of pattern. In the absence of such ability to recognize patterns and predict future events, the brain has to fall into a sudden explorative effort to make sense of things, so that you can be protected against danger.

So, every time the brain has to adjust itself to “CHANGE,” it has to naturally fall into that explorative mode, which often is experienced along with anxiety. So, the reason most people say they don’t like change is that they experience anxiety in the face of change.

What to do:

1. Recognize that the change itself is not causing anxiety:

It’s your own perception of the matter that has changed, which makes it anxiety-provoking. For example, you might say to yourself: “I can’t deal with computers, I can only relate to people when I see them in person, I can only experience joy and connection when I go to my place of worship in person.”

The truth of the matter is that the brain would not know the difference. It’s your thoughts and assumptions, particularly when they are narrowed and/or one-sided that make the coping too hard and anxiety-provoking.

 

2. Practice self-compassion

What might you say to a child who is impatient or apprehensive about something? You’d likely help that child with grace and speak with them about gratefulness and patience, remind them of their virtues, and invite them to use their resilience to cope with what is at hand.

Right now, that child is YOU. The thoughts that you run through your head are the actual narratives you say to yourself, which then will affect your mood. So, speak with compassion and kindness to yourself.

 

3. Don’t go solo, ask for help

Sometimes we might feel embarrassed to ask others if they feel the same way as we do. Or we might expect too much from ourselves and in the process end up feeling inadequate. The truth is: no one can handle all of life’s challenges alone.

We all need one another, and at times we all need some professional help. So, speaking to others about how they are coping with “CHANGE” is a very helpful thing to do. And, of course, calling your therapist and asking to receive some help in coping with change is perhaps one of the most helpful things to do.

Life is full of challenges. Sometimes there is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness or hopelessness that might set in, making it difficult for people to trust their own intuition, or feel confused about how they are supposed to feel. This is especially true at a time like this, during a pandemic: COVID-19, Corona Virus.

As the world is facing the threat of Corona Virus, and as the virus’s consequences become more real and affect our immediate communities, fear, anxiety, irritability, even anger, and of course sadness and despair are normal emotional reactions.

Without the comfort of knowing what to do, we might scramble to find answers on how to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

As medical officials tell us how to clean our environment and how to cover our faces or wash our hands, we might feel even more desperate or frightened. We might even begin to think of obsessive thoughts and question ourselves, wondering if we have done everything we can.

If we go by definition, the above describes the anatomy of trauma. This is how traumatic events affect our mental health.

In this blog, I am hoping to accomplish one goal, and that is to bring to awareness the lessons we have learned from past traumatic experiences and apply them to this situation. Here are at least three tips and ideas to keep in mind:

 

Hopelessness:

At times of crisis, the mind will want to jump ahead of things and think of the worse case scenario. This is the mind’s attempt to preemptively keep you as safe as possible, because having had thought of the worse case makes you prepared for the worse case, or does it?

As it turns out, staying in the present time, focusing on everything you do know, and not making assumptions about how much worse it is going to get allows you to use your resources in a far more adaptive way. Being in a state of pessimism ultimately makes you feel hopeless, and when there is no perception of hope, you wouldn’t reach out for help or use the positive resources around you. That will make your situation far worse.

 

Disruptive Routines:

In the wake of crises, people might fall into dysregulated patterns of living, where their eating, sleeping, exercising and daily routines might alter. During the initial stages of becoming aware of a crisis, such as fire or an accident, such dysregulations are inevitable.

However, during more prolonged crises such as the pandemic we are currently dealing with, returning to a more predictive routine will make a huge difference in how well your immune system will be ready to fight. Sleeping on a regular schedule, eating fresh and healthy foods, stretching exercises such as yoga and activities that are more aerobic (like brisk walks in the outdoors) are strongly recommended.

Taking breaks from the news and not obsessively following the updates on the spread of the virus is actually a good idea.

Staying away from excessive alcohol and all recreational drugs including smoking is also particularly important, as you are trying to actually boost your natural health rather than making yourself more vulnerable. Lastly, staying connected with people you trust and love and reaching out to those whom you have not been in contact with recently is actually a fantastic mood elevator, and gives you a sense of belonging and being cared for.

 

 

Mixed emotions associated with quarantines:

If you have been separated from your loved ones, you can experience feelings such as fear and isolation, and maybe even rejection and loneliness. You are also likely to experience some guilt, shame, or self-blame. Rest assured that while those emotions are valid and perhaps predictable, they are transient and likely due to the temporary shock of the traumatic event of being quarantined.

Similarly, if a loved one is separated from you and kept in quarantine, you might experience guilt or shame around feeling relieved, or anxiety of being separated and a wish to join them, or just stressed from all the close monitoring of the symptoms. Again, such emotions are expected and normal reactions to a crisis. And yet, it is important to keep in mind that such emotions are transient, and that you should not fall for emotional reasoning, which is making decisions or jumping to conclusions based on the emotions of that moment.

 

Fluctuations in Mood:

Everyone responds differently to stress and anxiety related to getting sick. In fact, everyone responds differently to the idea of death, being that of their own or of a loved one. So recognizing your own emotions and being able to name them, to speak about them to a mental health professional, to keep a personal journal, or to choose to share them with a trusted loved one, are all incredibly helpful steps you can take to protect yourself at a time that self care is the name of the game.